A Birthday Of Cake, Candlelight And Camaraderie
Between the soft hum of early morning routines and the gentle creak of wheelchairs, a striking story unfolds—not at a university dorm or a trendy co-working space—but within the calm corridors of a dementia ward, where one young graduate chose to build an extraordinary life.
Imagine celebrating your 24th birthday in a nursing home. Now picture candles flickering atop a simple cake, laughter echoing down the corridor, and a group of friends—most three times your age—joining in the merriment. For Teun Toebes, this was no oddity; it was home.
The room was alive with warmth—Christi, Janny, Jopie, and Ad, his companions, all residents with dementia, simply enjoying each other’s presence. These were not distant acquaintances but cherished housemates, sharing jokes, stories, and moments of sincere connection.
In a world where young people and the elderly often live in separate orbits, Teun’s choice stands out for its profound simplicity and sincerity. What started as a practical solution—a broke student in search of affordable housing—has become a deep and unexpectedly reciprocal bond.
From Necessity To Nurture
Teun’s journey into the nursing home began with financial need: student researcher, short on funds, searching for a cheap room. Little did he anticipate that behind those institutional walls lay an opportunity to connect in ways that textbooks could never teach.
His background in care ethics gave him an unusual lens through which to view this unconventional living arrangement. But the spark that truly transformed him came earlier—when he was 17 and interned at a nursing home, and later when his great-aunt Greet moved in, diagnosed with Alzheimer’s.
That intimate time—helping her bathe, laughing with her, and providing palliative care—revealed something powerful: that meaningful, joyful relationships could flourish, even amid confusion. She called him “my boy,” and in those moments, he felt a profound privilege.
Over time, he came to believe that those relationships were not only possible but deeply enriching and reciprocal.
Other Perspectives: Intergenerational Living Around The World
Teun’s story is part of a broader tapestry—explored in numerous models that blend youth and age in intentional, mutually uplifting ways.
- College Students At Humanitas In The Netherlands: Groups of students live rent-free in elderly care homes in exchange for companionship and social engagement, fostering a sense of “gezellig”—a Dutch term capturing cozy togetherness. The outcome? Residents gain youthful energy; students gain wisdom and belonging.
- Judson Manor, Cleveland, USA: A similar exchange exists where young graduate students, including musicians and artists, live in retirement homes, contribute creativity, and in return receive housing and a warm, appreciative audience. One student even found the community rallied for him when he needed financial support for continuing his studies.
- Belong Chester, UK: Another innovative model integrated a children’s nursery directly into a care facility, affording daily intergenerational encounters. The result: older residents with dementia found purpose and joy; children learned empathy and care—two generations thriving together in a shared, vibrant ecosystem.
These models, like Teun’s, challenge conventional approaches to aging and community care, demonstrating that intergenerational living—when done thoughtfully—can uplift all involved.
A Narrative In Motion
Teun’s story is not just a social experiment, but a narrative of belonging, compassion, and reinterpretation of community.
He poured champagne for Ad on his birthday—a symbolic and literal act of friendship. Each everyday interaction—a shared laugh, a helping hand—was an act of quiet advocacy. He didn’t just live in the nursing home; he chose the home as a place of connection, purpose, and belonging.
For the elderly residents, the presence of a younger person offered renewed engagement; for Teun, the home became a canvas to practice empathy, presence, and service. The barriers—age, societal expectations, institutional routines—were softened by simple acts of shared humanity.
Importantly, his story underscores the fourth point: living in such a setting is not merely an experiment in affordability, but a deliberate, life-affirming choice rooted in mutual friendship, care ethics, and an enduring belief in connection.
Reflections From The Heart
As a reader, you might find yourself on different points of resonance:
- Do you see here an invitation to re-imagine community, where age is not a barrier but a bridge?
- Does Teun’s experience illuminate new paths for aging societies and the roles young people might play in enlivening them?
- Or perhaps, like me, you feel a gentle encouragement—that empathy, when lived rather than taught, becomes transformative?
In weaving Teun’s story, the tone remains gentle, hopeful, deeply human. It’s not a summons to radical surrender, but an invitation to notice—the hum of shared laughter, the tender reach of care, the quiet power of choosing connection.
Conclusion
In an age where loneliness shadows both young and old, Teun Toebes’s choice to live—and to belong—in a nursing home offers something rare and vital: real-life proof that love, reciprocity, and shared humanity endure. His journey reminds us that community can be more than convenient—it can be courageous and richly affirming.
